Bank of America’s New Customer Reward Plan

Due to customer backlash, Bank of America is dropping their $5 monthly debit card fee. Someone high in the organization is reported as saying, “This sucks. Instead of making twelve billion from fees alone we’re now only going to make six billion. I just don’t know how we’re going to keep going. We’ve always depended on the ignorant complacency of our customers. If our customers stay informed we’re only going to be filthy rich instead of disgustingly filthy rich.”

To compensate for the loss in revenue Bank of America will implement advertising in their online banking software. A mass email was sent to all customers explaining how the advertising is safe and will benefit the customer. “Do not fear the pop up ads for big dick pills when looking at your checking account. Only reputable big dick pill companies will be featured in our advertisements.”

As a benefit all customers will receive 0.00001 cent for every ad they click on. If customers actually purchase big dick pills through their Bank of America online account, they will receive five dollars off their order. The bank is calling it the Big Dick Advantage Program.

A spokesman from Bank of America said, “It really is a win win for everyone. I mean who doesn’t want a bigger dick? I know I do. We really want the world to associate the term big dicks with Bank of America.”

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